Only human;

i hate this feeling.
trying so hard, getting mentally exhausted, and for what? taken for granted.
how much credit do you want? how much attention do you seek?
i promised myself to care a little less (maybe lesser than a little) but i am not doing me justice.
my name was omitted, my place unspoken.
yet today i am the supporter. not the one being supported.
it is hard on the mind.
you use me when you need me and throw me aside when you don't. faake ugh.
so what's with the "when your enemy slaps you on your cheek, give him the other side also"?
i try. i try. i try. i want to wash my hands off everything (remind me again how many times i've said this?).
i think sometimes i can get too soft/giving when people around me are already so shrewd, so survival-of-fittest-mentality, so if-i-get-to-live-when-you-die-by-all-means-thinking. frightening.

and it looks like today was all about you? (again). not as a supporter but as the supported. please have some sense of responsibility? Man, your action to seek attention for support can totally be categorised as fallacious because it merely appeals to the masses' sympathy. You do it so well everyone is taken in. It's sad.

and i can look past my place being quietly/subtly covered up but to do that and still take my being as a pillar for granted and squeezing the last bit out of me
(有可能是我自作多情，看见没人好好带领就硬硬去把责任扛起。)
is a complete put off.

我要埋怨少一点。爱多一点。

please, sometimes a small thank you might work wonders. thank you.

on a lighter note,
i've been baking/cooking every weekend(: photos up soon, i'm lazy nao. plus it's already 2.40am, hurry chopchop get this entry done, bio tuition at 9.30am.

and i went to catch Clash of the Titans at GV this evening after today's nats!
not too bad a film but not worth watching on big screen i think );
GV at Yishun sucks ); poor(er) sound quality, cold/stale(a little) popcorn, dirty seats (leftover popcorn! D:<), lous(ier)/small(er) food/drinks holder.
The Grand Cathay ftw(: maybe next weeekkkk with the other free pair of movie screening tix for Cathay cineplexes(: yay.

we lost today's match with ACSi but it was a good fight. (no, i am still not satisfied)
Last wed we lost to MJC, too easy a giveaway. zy, cy were extemely affected by their loss. My win meant nothing.
Last last wed we won AJC 4-1, yw was extremely affected by her loss.
HCI/JC and JJC next week, HCI/JC match is a goner but we'll enjoy ourselves(:
though we cannot even smell top fourth this year after occupying that position for the past 3 or 4 consecutive years.
we broke the legacy. ):
Imagine this is all we've been working towards,
- what with the training 3 times a week; specially taking up expensive indiv training; spending hours after hours of free time to practise -
see them all come to naught.
;(
good job on C div girls part for clinching top fourth though.

ah whatever. i need to sleeeep.

i look through the camera eye-piece;
and cannot see.

oh right.
March holidays are not in another whole week later.

give me therapy;
i'm a walking travesty, but i'm smiling at everything.

fishstickks. how silly can i get.
as a cook, as a baker, as a genuine food lover. (yes i eat. in moderation. and the occasional indulgence )
semi-veg diet is no way to go, i broke it after one week and five days? just in time for the lunar new year.
oh well the very least is to cut back on meat, esp red.

Chinese new year was okay, 300 dollars cap. scores of tempting tarts, nuts, rolls, goodies and turning to mandarin oranges displayed on tables in almost every visited household to keep those yummy buggers off my mind. then falling sick due to heatiness (of the mandarin oranges) overload. and so the entire of last week was spent nursing my immunity system and this week getting my strayed stamina back on track. not tip top yet but let's do this fast and steady pom pi pi. (rather than "slow and steady" - thumbs up for Oscar Wilde aha)
i still grew fatter and put on weight during the new year though due to the many long (not short, thank you Wilde) bursts (think explosions in slow-mo?) of weakness and ill-discipline when i'd give in and chomp i.e. half a container of love letters down. >: (

rewind back a few days, 4th of February was a fine day. Nothing very special nor happening but my mood was naturally tops even for no particular reason . Thank you for the many birthday wishes whether it came from the heart or said out of obligation haha, all appreciated the same (:
The only thing, i don't know what to do (figuratively) with the big Tigger, i don't know what to do with you.

i think i hurt alot of people this year. i swear i'm sorry; jhchewstbtandmore. though said or typed or kept inside it'll never make anything better. can i get a grant to run away from everything sometime?

Fast forward, road run was nice because 1) i asked you to come back to run and you did(: 2) i ran my best though i was still sick! (: i think i could have gotten top 20 if i started off in front. I never believed in myself before the run though, that's sad.

i definitely failed thursday's math test, and i've been sleeping like a pig this whole week though i already cut back on my medication. tutorial? sleep. lecture? sleep. when i end early on school days? go home eat and sleep. training days? go home eat and sleep (at like, 9pm D:) work got alot of catching up to dooo.

Yesterday was the collection of A levels results :O
I got my chinese back. i was disappointed. (people will roll their eyes but whatever. i'm bench-marking myself against me and no one else and that's what matters.)
--> diversion: listening to Justin Bieber's Baby (: <--
i did alot of kaypohing in the hall during the afternoon, i miss the 2009 batch.
2010 is pressure already, so many 2009 As.
anyway you1 were horrible yesterday by walking away while i was talking to you1, twice somemore >: (
i guess it is what it is, time to go!
you1 were never serious to start with.

whatcha say, mm that you only meant well? right, 'course you did.
--> Jason DeRulo's Whatcha Say <--

loooking forward to next week THE MARCH HOLS.
wait march hols are next week right?
cook/bake yay!

you2 cheerupps okay(:

i used to be love drunk, but now i'm hungover.

Decadent;
Let me go.

[Made by Survey_Splash]

[ ] you freak when you see a spider
[ ] you refuse to use sharp knives
[ ] if a bug was on you, you'd scream
[ ] you use hand sanitizer or wipes constantly
[ ] you think public bathrooms/pools are gross (< being clean)
[ ] you are afraid to watch scary movies
[ ] you won't do a flip on a trampoline
[ ] you're afraid to be home alone
Total: 3

[ ] you run away from airsoft guns
[ ] you have never tried skateboarding
[ ] doctors and dentists scare you
[ ] you use band-aids for the smallest papercuts
[ ] you've gotten hurt doing something and won't do it again
[ ] you still sleep with a nightlight
[ ] you never chew gum or anything in class
[ ] you won't go outside in summer w/o applying sunscreen
Total: 4

[ ] you always think big dogs will bite you
[ ] you are afraid you'll get cancer or diabetes
[ ] you're afraid the ocean because of jellyfish
[ ] scary stories give you nightmares
[ ] you don't want a pet because you'll be sad when it dies
[ ] you never have and never will ride a horse
[ ] you're afraid of some roller coasters (but i'd still give them a go:D)
[ ] you would never ask anybody out
Total: 7

[ ] taking hot things out of the oven worries you
[ ] you limit your cell phone use since its bad for your brain (yesyesyes)
[ ] you always look in the closet before you go to sleep
[ ] you won't go in alleys alone, even in broad daylight
[ ] when you hear people whisper, you always think they're talking about you (esp if they're looking in my direction:/)
[ ] if a guy seems to be following you, you make a point to avoid them
[ ] you believe in ghosts - and are afraid of them
[ ] your biggest fear is something abstract, like rejection or failure
Total: 10

0-10 - good job. you are pretty much fearless :]
11-21 - pretty normal.. a couple needless worries :D
22-32 - enough said... stop worrying about everything! :p

yes too many things happening in my life and i've not been blogging about it because i'm lazyy (:

you'll come back when it's over;
no need to say goodbye.

hi.
i thought i saw someone like you this morning. i realised i'm not over you when my heart jumped. shit.
i miss you more than you'll ever know.

i think i have a very bad temper. short too. (as in temper not height ah, be careful when you laugh. i might just flare up. haha)

at least i faced my feelings, conveyed it, and hopefully that settled everything.
finally.

tonight i had dinner with CH.
yong tau foo (spinach, chinese cabbage, xiao bai cai, button mushroom, vegetable ball, tau kwa, egg and kway teow) and a cup of watermelon juice treated by CH thank you!
did i ever mention?
i'm starting on a semi-vegetarian diet! no kinds of meat except fish. supposedly started on monday but i ate what i thought was fish cake when it turned out to be minced prawn/chicken ngor hiang. >:/ what a spoiler. anyway at least i didn't touch the chicken (in the soup) and the char siew, so it still counts for something right. (:
current at 2.25am, day three of my semi-veg diet, what should i ate today? (:
super feel like cooking in the weekends! *excited.

distinction tutorial's GP tuition. maybe i go try the Bishan branch. the sluggish, aged journalist still sounds like a good catch to push my mediocre marks up.

anyway i'm damn excited to use the new oven over the weekends/holidays. (:

tiredtiredtired.

"Cabbage I may be but I'm not green."
-Whitby (: